Before

 I think that social media is beneficial to my academic acclimation because I can connect with other students to make a study group or see if anyone has the notes to a class I missed. In addition to connecting with other people in my class I can find out about resources such as SASC and events that may help me with my academics. It can benefit my social acclimation too. Just as I can hear about academic resources through social media, I can hear about campus social events to meet people and build a friend group. Overall, social media can be beneficial to me both in academics and my social life. 

Although social media can be beneficial it can have negative effects too. For academics, you may not see your classmates as much because if you connect with them on social media you are not forced to meet them in person. Because of the limited social interaction, you may not get to know them as well as you would in person. For social acclimation, it could cause us to make an initial impression that is false and not want to meet the person. Most of the time the life someone shows on social media is not completely accurate, because they make their life seem perfect and not show the not-so-good parts of life so we may not realize how much someone has in common with us. Because of this we may be hesitant to add them to our friend group. 

After

 I think that social media is beneficial to my academic acclimation because I can interact with other students to make a study group or see if anyone has the notes to a class I missed. In addition to connecting with other people in my class I can find out about resources such as SASC and other academic events that may help me. It can benefit my social acclimation too. Just as I can hear about academic resources through social media, I can hear about campus social events such as trivia night and movie nights to meet people and build a friend group. Overall, social media can be beneficial to me both in academics and my social life. 

Although social media can be beneficial it can have negative effects on your academic acclimation and social acclimation too. For academics, you may not see your classmates as much because if you connect with them on social media you are not forced to meet them in person. Because of the limited social interaction, you may not get to know your classmates as well as you would in person. For social acclimation, it could cause us to make an initial impression that is false and not want to meet the person. Most of the time the life someone shows on social media is not completely accurate, because they glamorize their life and make you think it is perfect and even though it’s not so we may not realize how much someone has in common with us. Because of this we may be hesitant to add them to our friend group and limit our social circle. 

I made improvements to the specificity of the sentences because I thought the reader would better understand my point of view. For example, I added a point about people making you think that their life is perfect even though it is not. I did not impact the length of the paragraph too much with my edits. They helped me get my point across easier without the reader wondering what you are trying to say. In addition, it helped my voice come through more and put myself in my writing by putting in my opinions about social media such as not being able to know your classmates as well because you don’t see them in person as much. I made word choice edits because I thought there were more specific words I could use such as adding specific academic resources and social events such as SASC and movie nights. Secondly, I added the two categories of the negative effects of social media instead of just saying that social media has negative effects.